I am secretly NOT happy for you. (When women don’t support each other)

“Girl, you will not believe! I got the job I applied for!” “That’s nice,” came an unenthusiastic response. “Everything ok?” “Yes, I am just a bit tired. Anyway, I am happy for you. We will talk more about it later.”

“AHHHH. He proposed! I am getting married!” “You are?!! That’s great!” she replied, rolling her eyes through the receiver of the phone. What she really means is, “It really isn’t fair. How come I am not in a relationship. I want to be married too.”

“I got the city grant I applied for, so I can do the project now.” “Really, they don’t usually approve grants. Hmmm,” came the reply. “Well, I thought you would sound a bit more enthusiastic than that.” “Oh, it’s nothing. Don’t take it like that. I am happy for you, really.”

Do you sense sometimes that your closest friends are not exactly happy when you progress? Do their responses have only the faintest hint of enthusiasm? Or maybe it’s you that isn’t happy for the other person? There is an epidemic among women – many of us secretly envy (are not happy) when our sisters (sisters = friends, cousins, aunties, co-workers, sisters, etc.) have a level of success that we secretly desire for ourselves. Oftentimes, we are not necessarily desirous of the particular feat they have attained, but of the fact that they have made an advancement and we haven’t. Houston, we have a problem. 

The hypothetical situations mentioned at the beginning of the piece identifies key areas in which some women are secretly (and sometimes openly) not happy for their sisters: relational and career wise. Many women have been the recipients of this bad attitude. Nothing new you may say. It is just the uncomfortable truth. However, the issue can go even deeper: many women who would have been recipients of this bad nature, in turn, start to dish out this very same attitude. 

“SOMETIMES women are their own worst enemies. What happens when other women don’t support you?” a woman in the audience asks. She’s addressing a panel discussing gender equality at the National Press Club…..

Taking an honest look at my own life experiences, the uncomfortable truth is that the majority of people who bullied me at work and discriminated against me — especially around things like maternity leave, opportunity for promotion and working part time — were other women.

“On the surface women are saying that they support other women but the minute their sense of confidence or security might be in question, they go into fear mode, and start being awful to other women,”……

How are you treating the women around you? Maybe you’d best offer a helping hand instead of a pounding foot…..

     Ginger Gorman|Journalist at http://www.news.com.au

    Original Article

There is a bitter taste left in one’s mouth when you have been wronged in any relationship, personally or professionally. Hence, there is a lack of trust which leads you to not want to be of assistance to that person or anyone reminding you of such an experience – other women. My dear sister, do not get caught in either of these traps – neither the one in which you are not happy when your sister succeeds nor the one in which you are so scorned that you do not reach back to help a sister get ahead.

We as women have been marginalized enough. Do not further infect the wound.  A wound in which you have been a direct target. Don’t find yourself picking at it either. How you treat other women is a direct indicator of your character. NO, not all women are going to be your friend, much less an acquaintance. In fact, some women, like many people in general,  you should stay clear of. However, if you are a woman who finds yourself in a position where you are more willing to assist men (in general) than other women (all things being equal), then I would advise that you do some self-analyzation. Some may disagree with this conclusion, and it is your right to do so. However, my humble opinion is, and will always be, “My sister’s success, is my success.”


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